Color Me A Rainbow

I just saw the movie, Inside Out.  I would recommend it for everyone!   It was so creative and Colorful and insightful.  I was reluctant to see it but it made me see how we all struggle with different things.  It's crazy how our memories fuel our emotions.  Last night I attended the ballet recital with Hanna Jane Gemperline​.  I was not expecting the flood of emotion that came with the memory of sitting next to Jayna Brown Quinn​ for the last 16 Plus years.  With Cori Connors​ singing, little girls dancing and  the theme being "Color me a Rainbow," it was as if it was made just for her. She was my family that could not come to see my girls dance! She was my friend who wanted to come.  She commented and giggled through all the performances with delight and she even drove to Texas to see the recital they were in when we moved there. It was a place we shared together. I happened to have a spare seat next to me and I felt her there more than ever. I had worn her scarf that she bought in Santorini when we were there,  around my neck. and I cried through the entire first half.!   It's times like these, that have her stamp of approval that I miss her the most.  "She would have loved it!"  She would have had wonderful and artistic thoughts that she would have whispered to me.  I miss that.

 Some things are just not the same and last night was one of them.  It was a bitter sweet experience that I understand is part of the process of loving someone enough that the pain is intense when they are gone.  I now  understand from watching this movie today that Pain and Joy cant exist without each other.  We all fear, judge, get angry and confused but its sadness and joy that bring us together to help one another.  Jayna has taught me so much about these things and she allowed me to have them all. She never needed me to be one or the other and I need to allow others this same gift. I hear her validations.  They keep me going. I see her in Art and Color and Laughter.  I feel her when I most miss her by the memories and emotions that I still get to feel in this existence.  Just like a beautifully performed danced, there is a beginning and an end.  The feelings left with us are touched by our memory and experiences we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to.  If we had never chosen to dance then we would miss the opportunities for true JOY.  She loved us well.  We feel it still.

Have Courage & Be Kind

  " O then, is not this real?  I say unto  you, Yea, because it is light: and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good:  Alma 32:36

I learned something while staying on Jim and Cathy's ranch a few weeks ago.  I learned just how intuitive horses can be.They can read a persons emotional, physical and probably more than anything, spiritual state.  It was fun to see how quickly Diamond and Hanna related to each other. Diamond liked Hanna right away and the fact that Cathy felt comfortable letting Hanna ride her horse was very telling. They were a good match. I learned that horses want to do nothing more than to please. They don't get jealous, angry, disappointed, mean or sad. They just want to please and will do so even to the point of  being abuse.  They love unconditionally. They can heal hearts and minds.  Horses can discern what humans need and they can help us heal.

It would be so great if we could see or know how to help every person that we came in contact with. Our judgments may not always be correct.  We may think one thing while someone is feeling another.  We may say or do something that is contrary to what the person needs. We might even not even notice that someone is hurting or in need of love.  Our senses may be so focused on ourselves that we can't see or feel the needs of others. This is something that we need to develop as humans but I think horses were given this special gift from God to help us.  If we can find the courage to be kind even when we are hurting or when we have been offended then we bring ourselves up to a higher capacity to love unconditionally as horses do.

 I guess that's why animals are such good companions. They don't judge, they freely forgive, they don't look to offend and they overlook faults. They live to serve us and we can live to serve each other. They can carry us through our hardest times. We need courage to face the trials that come into our lives. Sometimes it take courage to be kind when we are not receiving kindness but quite the opposite.  " When someone  is nasty or treats you poorly don't take it personally. It says nothing about  you, but a lot about them."     Michael Josephson    It takes courage to stand alone when it is required.  God gave us the natural man tendencies  so that we might learn and change and become more like him. We are his hands and we show our love to him by how we treat others. Putting our pride aside and looking at truly loving those who treat us badly can heal and mend hearts.
 


 "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."   Mosiah 2:17 

The Lost Skirt

The Lost Skirt

April 17, 2015

I can count on my fingers the "Big" miracles that I've had in my life.  Most of them have been small and subtle ways that the Lord lets me know he is there.  I was struggling with faith and how I could actively use it in my life.  How could I "Come unto Him," if I didn't know what kind of action to take.  I was struggling with a particular issue in my life. I didn't like the pain and the path that I was asked to follow.  I wanted the pain to go away when I prayed and when I read the scriptures but it was still there.  I asked my husband how I could access the comfort and guidance of my Savior and he told me to count my blessing!

So, I had been praying with real intent but maybe for the wrong things. I wanted to take away pain and sorrow and that may not be what God wants for me.  I prayed this very day and thanks God for all my blessings. I felt better knows how generous He was to me in so many areas of my life.  I also prayed very specifically to have him to be with me all day.  I was worried about some upcoming events that day and I knew that I could not handle things by myself without getting all confused and bent out of shape in my mind.  I just asked “Please be by my side today so that I can handle the situations that may arise and I may deal with them the way you would want me to."   Basically that was it in a nutshell.

Well, the task for the day was to go the High School and get a skirt from the Dance Teacher so that I could make a few more skirts for the girls who's skirts were definitely too short.  I had seen the dress rehearsal the day before and I was uncomfortable watching them dance on stage with such tiny skirts covering them. I called the teacher and she agreed that a change would be good and actually they had talked about it and somebody had volunteered to do it, but nonetheless, it did not get done and the concert opening night was the next night.

I thought finding fabric to match the existing skirt would be easy.  I went to two fabric stores in Bountiful and asked every clerk available if they could match my fabric.  I came up short.  I then decided to drive to Layton to check Hancock fabrics.  I didn't have much time to drive further distances because I needed to get sewing! I had a friend Amy who was waiting at her house with scissors, newspapers and a sewing machine so we could hurry and get them sewn.  Well, after searching at Hancock fabrics with a clerk she told me that they just didn't have what I was looking for but that I should go look in the clearance fabric before I left, just to be sure.  I walked to the back of the store and found one bold of fabric that was the exact color that I needed.  I started to get hopeful that this would not be too difficult.

I took the fabric to the cutting counter.  The woman asked how much I needed and I simply didn't know.  I could make 4 skirts that were longer but then the rest would still be shorter. The fabric was not as sheer as the original and so I thought I had better make one for everyone.  The clerk was trying to tell me how to cut out the skirts with three inches added and then how to flip it to get more out of the fabric etc.  By this time my head was spinning and nothing she said made sense.  I told her that I was just going to cut them out, sew on a ribbon for wrapping the skirt around and that I would think about finishing them at a later date.  She then informed me that all the skirts would need serging if I used this fabric and that they would not be usable after one performance!  I felt sick.  I needed the color of the fabric but I didn't have a serger.

I sent an email to all the dance moms to see if someone had a serger and only one replied. She had access to one but could not help me because she was babysitting a lot of kids that day.  I asked Amy and she said she had a friend that could bring one over for us but neither of us knew how to use it.  And then the thread!  I would have to buy thread and I had no idea what kind of thread goes in a serger or how to put the thread in the serger etc etc.  The clerk could see I was getting overwhelmed and she asked me why I was the one doing this project if I didn't have the means or knowledge by which to do it.  (Well, that was what she was probably thinking)  I could tell she was getting impatient with me because I couldn't make a decision because I honestly didn't know what would be best.

Then, a woman with blonde shoulder length hair who was wearing a blue sweater and black glasses had been standing behind me at the cutting table. She had heard the whole story as to why I couldn't let my daughter wear the current skirt. She was an example of modesty and I just couldn't feel right about seeing her up there compromising her integrity. I had to stand up for what was right.  Well, this woman went and got a spool of thread that matched my fabric and she said, " If you buy 4 of these than I will serg them all for you!" I laughed out loud and said, “I can’t ask you to do that!  That is just crazy!"  She said, “Well, those girls simply can not wear those skirts!"  She was an angel from Heaven.  I knew I could not produce the skirts on my own so I agreed to pay for all the supplies and then I followed this Good Samaritan to her home in Syracuse almost to Antelope Island.  We went into her house; we introduced ourselves to each other. Her name was Paula.  She had everything set up in her basement to cut and serg 8 skirts.  I cut them out while she serged.  I did have to run to the store to get more ribbon for the ties but we had them all done under three hours. She said, “I have never sewn this fast and I feel like I  have had help today."

Paula and I visited and found out we had much in common. We both had French horn players about the same age who will be at BYU this fall.  He daughter was gluten intolerant just like my daughter Heather and she had a son who was smart and liked good food like my Taylor.  She had daughters too who had to find modest prom dresses which I related to and we didn't seem to run out of things to talk about. Before I took the skirts to leave, I told her that I didn't know too many people that would drop everything and help a stranger.  She told me that we need to look out for each other because "The three Nephites don't sew"

  As she was cleaning up the scraps & threads and ribbons,  she found a ninth skirt that had been serged. We had been so efficient at cutting them out that we accidentally cut an extra skirt. I just stuffed it in the bag with the others and promised her I would sew the ties on later after the concert.  She hates when things are not finished right and are left undone! Unlike me!  I promised to send her a photo of the girls in the skirts and then I gave her a hug and she graciously saw me out. I thought that was the end of my miracle!

I drove home with my finished skirts and quickly took a rest on the bed.  I was quite exhausted from all the emotion of running around and just the stress of it all.  Hanna came home and I pulled out the skirts. She was very happy with the end product. I counted all 8 skirts and put them back in the bag and then she took them to the concert.  I was getting ready to come over to the concert when I  got a text from her that said, “We need one more skirt! There is one girl without one."  I told her that I had made eight skirts and that both Paula and I had counted them several times.  I wondered how they could have lost a skirt in that short amount of time.  I took the extra skirt that didn't have the ribbon on it to the school and gave it to the girl who didn't have one.  After the concert we were talking about how one was lost and how that could be possible!! Then Hanna started counting again and she came up with 9 girls. We had needed 9  all along but I made 8 with an extra one showing up when we didn't expect it.  Truly we were all amazed at this miracle. 

After the concert a few of the dances came up to me and thanked me for making the skirts. They expressed that they felt more comfortable dancing in modest skirts as opposed to the ones that were offered.  It was really Paula who made them with God’s help!  She will never know how many people she blessed that day by saying yes to service and by having her eyes and ears open to the needs of a fellow traveler along this road we call life.   I hope that I have the opportunity to be the answer to a prayer or at least the catalyst for making someone’s day better than it would have been.  I hope that next time I seriously ask God for help, I won’t be surprised when he shows up after I have given my all, when I need him the most,  and with an  extra skirt thrown in just for fun.

The Broken Bud

 My neighborhood is full of Blooms.  It's absolutely breathtaking!  I was so glad that spring had arrived but then we received a nice late snow storm.  I hoped the blossoms were not going to freeze!  I went outside to try to brush the snow of my beautiful peony bushes and while trying to bring one up from the ground it snapped off from the main trunk and took an almost baby blooming bud with it! I was trying to help but in turn I hurt the very bloom I was trying to rescue.

 I thought of how this reminded me of something I had read this week.  It was about the mistakes we make as parents while trying to raise our kids to be independent, capable and good contributing members of society.  One of the mistakes that we make is that we want to shelter our kids from all worry, doubt, disappointment, and sorrow etc.  I know I do this but it's because when I see my kids sad, then I feel the same pain.  Or so it seems. I hurt when they hurt, I am lost when they are lost and I am disappointed when they are.

 I made a terrible  mistake in the last few weeks that brought me to my knees in Godly sorrow.  I was sorry that I had not been more wise, that I had acted impulsively and that I had not been more kind. I thought I had been justified because I didn't want my child to hurt.  I didn't think it was fair.  I wanted to make things equal.  I did not take into account the heart of someone else.  I began the process of repenting and vowed that I would never be so selfish again.  I promised to be more careful in my decision and to check my integrity at the door as best I could at all times.  I felt the peace of my Savior come and I began to realize that I had learned many valuable lessons from the experience of making a choice.

I value the lessons I learned from this.  I realized that God wanted me to make a mistake so that I might learn what it feels like.  Then, to be glad that I had a broken heart.  Knowing this, made me humble enough to need the Atonement and to need Gods love and forgiveness and then and only then could I experience the process.  I don't believe God wants us to sin but he knows we will make mistakes because of our human and fallen state.  I need to learn another lesson from the peony bud.  I did not need to rescue the bud from frost because God had already made it possible to tolerate the cold. By helping it, I hindered or even cut off the life line from the roots of the tree. It is not not able to learn for itself how to tolerate the cold, feel pain, or learn for itself how to survive etc.

Tumbled

Tumbled 

by Lisa Gemperline

 2014

I pulled the shirts from the dyer today

 crumpled, yet warm and white

Surely the wrinkles would fall right out

 much to our hopeful delight

Realizing the ironing that must be done

to get the shirts crisp and straight

I hung them up one by one on the rack

Six, seven and now there are eight

The eighth one for measure,

Prepared for the Lord, ever ready, clean & pure

Clean pressed & starched,  lined up in a row

 for his service so constant and sure

 He’ll roll up these sleeves as he serves the Lord

 to act on thoughts “not of mine”

His Service each day, each hour of the week

 to bless with love from the Divine

The tumbled worn souls come seeking his help

  lined up, needing hope, one by one 

He's hoping each soul that is looking for peace

will look to and follow The Son

                                                                                                                       . 

Planting Pansies

Planting Pansies 
by Lisa Gemperline  1997

Holding softly

as if watching caterpillars crawl

 fingers beg roots that

cling to all they've known.

Mounds of earth form

 as beds are turned down

   for thirsty newborn plants.

   Brothers kneel protective

over happy golden-eyes

                                                                  

Story time draws near with

  whispers of possibilities.

Then, the light go out.

Dark, soft comforts

as it falls on tired clumps that doze.

Dirty fingers hug the soil

tucking them in tight

where underneath, roots

stretch, yawning for

 one last drink

before they sleep

settled into their new home.

Jayna's Gifts

I am creating. She would want me to keep creating. If I want to stay out of the shadows of fear and loss,  I need to accept and believe that I am inherently good enough to deserve the light and blessing I deserve if I but seek it.  The light feels better, laughing feels better, believing feels better than waiting in the shadows. I am here today. Alive. I am sensing all that is around me. I am enjoying the day even though its cloudy and grey. The world is good and I am okay. The white and grey shades of the cloud formations that enclose the mountains are just hiding the green explosion that will soon erupt  from beneath. The sun will always come out! It's time for the world to create beauty and new life.  It's my job to capture it, to see it, and to appreciate it how ever I can. That is what she would want.

This week was very hard at the passing of my dearest friend, I didn't know, or had forgotten how much the pain hurts. In remembering her, I have taken a few photos of the many gifts she has given me over the years. They are sweet to me because she gave them with such care and thought.  When I walk outside, I think of her with me as we see the beauty everywhere. I know she is seeing it in much better color than I am and I am grateful to the Lord for his tender mercy in comforting me and helping me to see his love. The gifts that she gave that were of no material worth will be the most valued.  Her listening ear, her infections laugh, her gentle wisdom and unconditional love will radiate in my mind forever.  Her faith was unwavering and her patience enlarged as she bore many trials with a smile. He artistic eye and adventurous spirit will hopefully will go with me still.  She is my angel of creation and love.  She is my biggest fan and I am hers.  Her spirit and influence are eternal.

A scripture that I came across this week that really helped me is.....

Always a pooh fan

 Jacob 3: 1-2 But behold, I Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause..... Oh all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love, for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever."

Because I love Geraniums

View from Villa Amore

I realized while sitting in the temple that it is there that we can find true peace. It is with him and only him that the comforter speaks to our minds. I need to keep my mind firm and immovable in faith that he is there, that he exists and that he knows what is best for me. I need to believe that she can know my thoughts and how I feel about her. I need to believe that she is still here and with us. I need to know that she can understand how amazing she was and what a huge part of my life she filled. I know in that perfect day ahead we will have a glorious reunions and that for now, I still have work to do.