I just saw the movie, Inside Out. I would recommend it for everyone! It was so creative and Colorful and insightful. I was reluctant to see it but it made me see how we all struggle with different things. It's crazy how our memories fuel our emotions. Last night I attended the ballet recital with Hanna Jane Gemperline. I was not expecting the flood of emotion that came with the memory of sitting next to Jayna Brown Quinn for the last 16 Plus years. With Cori Connors singing, little girls dancing and the theme being "Color me a Rainbow," it was as if it was made just for her. She was my family that could not come to see my girls dance! She was my friend who wanted to come. She commented and giggled through all the performances with delight and she even drove to Texas to see the recital they were in when we moved there. It was a place we shared together. I happened to have a spare seat next to me and I felt her there more than ever. I had worn her scarf that she bought in Santorini when we were there, around my neck. and I cried through the entire first half.! It's times like these, that have her stamp of approval that I miss her the most.
"She would have loved it!" She would have had wonderful and artistic thoughts that she would have whispered to me. I miss that.
Some things are just not the same and last night was one of them. It was a bitter sweet experience that I understand is part of the process of loving someone enough that the pain is intense when they are gone. I now understand from watching this movie today that Pain and Joy cant exist without each other. We all fear, judge, get angry and confused but its sadness and joy that bring us together to help one another. Jayna has taught me so much about these things and she allowed me to have them all. She never needed me to be one or the other and I need to allow others this same gift. I hear her validations. They keep me going. I see her in Art and Color and Laughter. I feel her when I most miss her by the memories and emotions that I still get to feel in this existence. Just like a beautifully performed danced, there is a beginning and an end. The feelings left with us are touched by our memory and experiences we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to. If we had never chosen to dance then we would miss the opportunities for true JOY. She loved us well. We feel it still.
Some things are just not the same and last night was one of them. It was a bitter sweet experience that I understand is part of the process of loving someone enough that the pain is intense when they are gone. I now understand from watching this movie today that Pain and Joy cant exist without each other. We all fear, judge, get angry and confused but its sadness and joy that bring us together to help one another. Jayna has taught me so much about these things and she allowed me to have them all. She never needed me to be one or the other and I need to allow others this same gift. I hear her validations. They keep me going. I see her in Art and Color and Laughter. I feel her when I most miss her by the memories and emotions that I still get to feel in this existence. Just like a beautifully performed danced, there is a beginning and an end. The feelings left with us are touched by our memory and experiences we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to. If we had never chosen to dance then we would miss the opportunities for true JOY. She loved us well. We feel it still.
