Sister Bishop

Sister Bishop

         

          When my husband was called to be a Bishop, I was greeting ward  members  after the  meeting  when a sister came up to me and gave me a hug and instead of congratulating me, she said very seriously, “ I am so sorry for you and I want to give you a hug with condolences.”  I was so stunned by her words that I didn’t have the thoughts as to what to say in response so I just smiled and said nothing and then she was gone. 

          I have thought about that incidence for 5 years and 9 months as I have had time to think about what I could have said to her in return.   What did she know that I did not?  How had life brought her to this point that she would seek me out and share her feelings?   Surely my kids must suffer because their father was not to be found in their days but for small moments of passing.  Maybe she meant that I would lose my health because of the stress and sleepless nights worrying about by situation or maybe she wanted to warn me about all the people in our ward that would call, text or phone my husband at all hours of the day or night.  Maybe he would change and not be the man I knew and loved?  Maybe he would stay up all night wrestling with issues that he could not express. Maybe it would ruin our marriage. I really did not know what she was talking about.  I really did not know why I should be consoled.  I really did not know what it meant to be the wife of an LDS Bishop.  

          I have had the unique experience to watch the life of a Bishop first hand, inside and out.  That is not saying I know everything. As it happened I actually know little if nothing.  I lost my name.  I was no longer introduced by my given name but as … “This is our Bishop’s wife or “Sister Bishop” as one High Priest loved to say.    He was not able to talk with me about most things that entail being a Bishop.  He could talk to other people but not me. He could talk to people outside our ward about issues but not to me.   All I knew was that he rarely came home for dinner, and he rarely had a spare moment to talk.  I saw his side of the bed empty most nights while falling asleep.  I saw his white shirts on the ironing board that were ever in need of   an iron and I was not very good to keep them up.   I saw his dinner that I had  left out on the counter, untouched by bedtime and beyond.  I saw him pass us on the street not far from our house on our way to soccer, dance or base ball etc., as he was coming home from work only to be a few minutes late to a meeting he had at the church.  I saw him texting in the early morning hours and late at night. I saw the light on downstairs knowing that he could not sleep but was kept up thinking of another.   I saw him sitting in his car sometimes for hours talking to someone but I was not meant to hear so had to keep my distance.  There were nights where I feared for his life as I hadn’t heard from him only to find out he had stopped on his way home to a house which he had been prompted.   

   At times, I wished that it could be me to feel of God’s power in such intensity but on the other hand, I knew I could not bear the load that he was asked to carry.  It was wisdom in him that I did not know.   Occasionally, I could see in his eyes that he wanted so much to share the stories of redemption, prodigals and finding, but he could only look at me and give me a big hug.   He had a great desire to help others access the atonement in their lives.  Even so,some did not come to his out stretched hand and he would mourn for them.  It was a great burden for him when some chose to not come unto Christ.  And when he saw progress in a journey he would rejoice but could not share.   He had to stay silent.   Maybe these were the times she spoke to warn me about, to feel sorry about.   I don’t think she ever really knew.   She had never been in my shoes.  All I know is what I saw and what was true for me.  

           So,  if she was facing me today and I could tell her the things in my heart maybe our encounter would be different…. maybe not.    But, this is what I would tell her…  It was all worth it!!!  Never before had he counseled our children or listened to their concerns in such  a way as this. t I saw the power of God working through him.  (I felt the power of God in our home even when he was not there.   I saw an exhausted  man rise up  and go to work again and again, giving all he had to give until the moon was high and we were all fast asleep.  I saw him more prayerful and in tune with the answers he found from the scriptures.  I saw increased joy in his life as he interacted with members of the ward and stake.  He had many friends, and people who loved him and depended on him.   I saw a man who  grew and matured through his experiences with the Savior.   I saw a man who lost track of time and day as he gave all he had to do His will.  I saw my children grow up knowing that their Father loved God.   They saw their Father selflessly serve his fellow men.     ( Mosiah 2:17)

           I have seen miracle and tender mercies  bless our family and ward members. (1 Nephi: 1:19)   I have had the privilege to read the Book of Mormon with my son late at night while waiting for Dad to come home.    I have heard a few ward members share with me gratitude for letting my husband serve them in their personal lives.  I have seen my husband grow in faith, power and testimony.  I have seen my husband have a personal relationship with his Savior.   I have seen him stand strong when members opposed his decisions and I have seen good people be unkind to him because he did what the Lord would have him do instead of what they would have him do.  I have seen his work opportunities increase and our ability to serve a mission in the future become a possibility.   I have seen my non-member boyfriend go from confusion and distrust to a servant of God, full of, faith, hope, charity and a surety that God lives and that He loves each one of us personally.   He knows as if he had seen the Savior’s  hand himself, that He lives and that He atoned for our sins and wants us to return to him through his Grace.  (Alma 34:9)  (2  Nephi  2: 26-27)  I have seen my companion become closer to the man God wants him to be. I have  witnessed a servant  who faithfully walked in the ways of Christ.  I saw the image of His countenance.     ( Alma 5: 14-16 ) 

          Maybe she wanted me to feel sorry for myself but I have not. At  times I felt tired and overwhelmed.  Nevertheless, I also experienced gratitude, humility and pride in my husband’s service. When he could not be with us, the Lord always provided. (D&C 84:88)   We have gained so much that I will forever be grateful that I married a man who has a pure heart and a willing hand.  So, to my friend who felt inclined to feel sorry for me and to the next Sister Bishop of our ward, I say….. Yes, there are times when you might feel lonely, invisible, overwhelmed and forgotten.   You might learn to press forward independently and in the shadows but this has given me more compassion and understanding for those who have endured it.  Yes, people will either talk to you because they think you know something or they will not talk to you because they think you know something.   You will be on the outside of most circles, yet closer to your family.   Yes, you will never really be alone with your husband while he is Bishop and yes, it’s important to let him keep his phone on all night even thought it might wake you up.  (Trust me)   He will get called away from ballgames, family parties, date nights, anniversary dinners and family projects.  Your vacations will never be free from that call or text that may be a life link to another soul.  He will  probably  be late for dinner and late to  almost every place you plan to  go.  He will be tired and not take care of himself.   He will need you to help him.   He will lose things like shoes and keys and misplace papers and books that he needs to read. You will go on afternoon walks without him.  You will eat most meals without him.  You will sometimes wonder if he even came home at all.  He will look at you and you may think, “Where has my husband gone?”  You will think, “Does he even know I’m here?” You will see tears in his eyes, and also yours but you will also feel God’s love in the times when you might not expect it.  You will question how ward members treat their Bishop. You will think, “If they only knew.    

This will be a time when you do not have a Bishop like everyone else but you will be the first priority of his heart but not of his hand.  You will find those couples who have served in your shoes, to be your best cheerleaders.  You will be in awe that they survived. You will be grateful for the sacrifice of his counselors who upheld him and sustained him so that he could care for the ones that had wandered.  You will admire and respect their wives who also live silently alongside you.  Your Bishop husband will see glimpses of Heaven and Hell.  You will see and feel that God never leaves him alone too long and that God’s work will get done in his way and in his time.  You will see him get immediate answers to his prays and you will be amazed!! (D&C 46:28, 30)  But then, you will see him wrestle for weeks to find confidence in the approval for God’s will.  You may find like I , that his most important goal will be to do the will of God no matter who will be unhappy with him, even you. This is his power and this is his peace.  (D&C 41: 3, 10-12)  You will see and feel and be able to access the power of the priesthood even when he is not available to you. I have witnessed this myself as I have called down the powers of heaven to bless a child in need or to protect our home from Satan’s influence.    It is all beautiful and it is all glorious and it is all part of Gods plan for him, for me……even for you.  (D&C 81:3-6) (D&C 1:39)

           It had been a privilege and an honor to serve next to a Judge in Israel, even thought for this time our lives were quite separate  in many  ways  yet close in spirit and purpose.  I will always be grateful that I could be called “Sister Bishop” even though I always felt like I didn’t really do very much to contribute to our ward.  So to the next  “Sister Bishop” of our ward, I come to you with open arms with a smile and a quiet voice of “Congratulation!"  and a touch of envy for you are embarking on a marvelous journey where your family, your marriage, your husband and  perhaps you too, will be changed. You will become better.  God keeps his promises to those who are faithful and you are in His hands.  So let the weeds come, and the house fall into disrepair and the windows stay dirty for a while longer  as your husband will be weeding a different type of garden and building a new and  improved house for another and he will be helping to wash clean the windows of a lost souls until they can see clearly for themselves. He will be working for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ until his time is finished and if you ask me, I say to you, there is no better place for your husband to be! 


quote  " There is no position in the church that will bring a greater blessing to any man than the office of a bishop, if he will honor that office and be a real father to the flock over whom he is called to preside. Do not forget that,.....  But I want to say to you that there is no bishop, nor has there been a bishop in the church, who has given the time that the Lord expected him to give in looking after the flock and teaching his people and preparing them to do the work, that has not received one hundred percent of the blessings that he labored for, and they will extend to him through the ages of eternity." President George Albert Smith